I found myself with a surprise window of time where I didn’t have to take care of any children, so I decided to go on the walk that I always love to take whenever we come up to the Berkshires.
I started out and thought to myself, ‘I took this walk with my mom once and she was so excited and giddy about seeing a wild turkey.’ Then, I paused my thoughts for a while and took in the scenery.
Minutes later, I thought, ‘It would be lovely to see some sign from my mom.’ Then, I looked at my phone and got really absorbed in an important text thread for a while.
The moment I looked up from my phone, I was looking at the exact spot where my mom and I saw the wild turkey.
Whether that’s an actual sign or not, it was enough to make me instantly burst into a completely surprising, ugly, major cry for a few minutes. In that moment, I realized that, even seven years after her death, I still miss her so much. And so many of the activities that I enjoy in my life are because they help me feel closer to her.
After some significant time since her death, her physical absence now feels equally like a gift and a curse. Of course, I would rather she be here, but in another way, I’ve learned how to always have her around and truly focus on the best parts of her. The living people we love don’t have the same luxury. Because humans are flawed but her soul is perfect.
I am thankful to the Universe for the knowledge, for my memories and for Love.